25 ноември, 2013

keeping calm

Започва началото на дълга и тежка седмица, а дори нямам време за чаша кафе или капучино за успокоение. Don't worry. I was made to survive such weeks. I just wish I had a little more time to prepare for this one. I still have to learn too many things in too short time, so I should arrange my time in the best way possible. Hopefully, I will be back here when or if I survive.

22 ноември, 2013

addicted for life

I am slowly and painfully getting back on track with going to the Uni, getting up when the evening is barely over and coming home when it's evening again. Sleep deprivation suits me well if I don't count the sudden bursts of laughing, the too much talking about stupid things and the inappropriate times when a scene from the book I'm writing or reading hits me and I cant't seem to focus on anything else.
On top of it people find it very convenient to ask me to do things and socialize which I find extremely hard and tend to ignore it, making a mess of my relationships. It sucks when people can't possibly understand that my inspiration mood is way too selfish and somehow manages to keep all my attention to itself for as long as it desires. Plus, I don't really mind. People do drugs and drink alcohol. I need none of those, because writing and reading are just as much intoxicating and addictive.
I'm more myself that way. Reality seems not all that important and I can always escape it in a way that other people can't. It's the one thing that helps me deal with the lack of sleep and the many many important things I have to do the following week.
At least I got my idiot of a boyfriend read a damn book in his life. Not any book, Harry Potter. So we were both reading last night before going to sleep and the silence in the room felt so good. Hopefully, he will be able to understand my addiction soon and stop trying to get me out of it. And I should probably stop making him listen to all my craziness when I've read something epic and I feel the need to do some fangirling. I have no more time and I have to be on the run again.

14 ноември, 2013

newly

Блогът е леко обновен в нови нежни нюанси, които да заместят вечното черно. Успях да накарам етикетите да се появят в дясната лента и сега остава само да добавя етикети на предишните публикации.
Какво се прави с красиви тетрадки, които те е жал да опорочиш с ужасния си подчерк?
В моите винаги се пишат истории при всички положения, но все пак...
I am free at last from the ghosts of my own past.
Това прозвуча с мелодия в ума ми. От няколко дни забелязвам как имам искрените намерения да направя нещо и все го забравям. И това е учудващо хубаво. При други обстоятелства мисълта би ме побъркала. Сега ме прави горда. It took a lot of time but now it's just a safe thought. Who knew I would ever call it safe, considering how unreliable it actually is. I'm even having a hard time thinking about it just now in my desire to prove how good I am at getting over things that I never thought I would want to or have to get over in the first place. Hell, I'm awesome when it comes to this now. I don't feel hunted, I don't need to remember to forget. The memories are there, as they always were and will be, but I don't care and I don't need to go over them. The only times I do is just to see how far I am from back then.
Достатъчно лирични откровения, имам да събирам багаж и да редактирам. Сцените се появяват една подир друга в ума ми и ми е доста трудно да ги подредя и изпиша. Това е най-любимата ми лудост, ако трябва да бъда честна. Нека я има винаги.

12 ноември, 2013

hunt me no more

Блогът ми се е превърнал в плашещо свърталище на духове. Не се тревожете, само мен преследват винаги. Трябва да го променя и да накарам духовете да спрат да ми спират дъха. Това се случва, като пиша прекалено лични неща и после откривам смисъл в тях и БАМ - не искам нито да пиша, нито да чета, нито да прекарвам време в блога.
А той знае толкова много и носи със себе си толкова от моята история, че е някак плашещо. Да беше дневник нямаше да знае толкова. Какво да се прави като писането ми издава всичко. И да, с последно време пиша когато ми е тъжно или ядосано и ми липсват цветовете на моето малко мило интернет пространство.
Трябва и този хаос да подредя и обновя съвсем скоро.
My art mood keeps me happy and here is not one of the happy places. It shows too much of me, it knows too much and id had lived through so many heartbreaking moments that sometimes it is indeed hard for me to read it. But I can never delete it. It means too much. The good, the bad... It made me who I am. Hell, even the worst of my deeds led me to where I am now with the whole "let's go prove him wrong" and then staying up till 5 am and telling each other how truly broken we are. I find beauty in all broken things. I don't pity them. Just the opposite! I feel the need to be around and understand what broke them and if it somehow matches my level of being broken and damaged.
I am proud of all my scars. They show that I have lived and got through a lot. I survived the damn end of the world. And the more I read my old things, the more I find myself adorable and I would marry myself if I could. It's the whole understanding myself better than anyone else would and well, loving myself the way no one else could. I've been proven wrong about the last one. ^^
Since I have enough free time, I will make sure no more ghosts hunt me in the most sacred place I can possibly imagine for myself. Beware, for I am back and I intend to stay back.

03 ноември, 2013

It's a quarter after one

Well, not yet, but that's the soundtrack to my writing with a few more songs on repeat. I haven't written in a while nowhere and tonight I'm catching up with all of it. I feel like laying on a dead-end street and looking at the stars in a night where my breath comes out in white smoke out of my mouth and the cold night air enters my lungs in a bit of sweet intoxicating pain. You want more and you need more, but your body won't allow you to inhale too much because it would make you freeze and maybe even get sick.
Of course, I imagine someone bringing me a cup of hot chocolate and a blanket and a conversation following. That gives me ideas for writing. Art mood on!
This year I missed the never-happened hour and spent it sleeping. Halloween, on the other hand, was a success with my runes and my Shadowhunter look. Plus, I got my cousin to read the book (City of Bones, that is) and my mother to at least watch the movie, which she liked. My tweeting skills are improving and I feel like writing all night. I can't believe a spend a whole week without writing. I feel like I've been drowning till now. At least Teddy promised to kick me whenever I don't write even a day, so this should keep me busy.