29 февруари, 2016

respectively

You're showing me the world and telling me I can't have it. I have no idea why on earth you'd go through the trouble of doing that just to be nice or whatever. It feels like we're going somewhere at some point and then it turns out it's all in my head and we're nowhere because there is no we to begin with.
So, yes, I love it when people finally realize how much I meant to them and how supportive, caring and awesome I am but I'd very much like for someone to finally realize it while I'm still around trying and not when I'm so done with them that I don't even have their number anymore. So what if you realized you were wrong to give up on me?! So what if I tell you what went wrong when it felt right?! It doesn't feel right when I look back. It feels like a waste of time and energy, a waste of feelings, of moments. I can't for the life of me regret it because I stayed for a reason but maybe I shouldn't have tried so hard.
Then again from a girl who has almost everything she wants I turned to the one that never gets it all and I got lost again. I've been reading things, desperately trying to find the right words for the way I feel because I can't seem to write them down on my own. Well, I guess I have to.
I don't want to have to prove it, say it or anything but I'm good for more than just that. I'm the girl that will be totally irrational and cry because of a movie but also the girl that will hold your hand and be there for you whenever you need me.
Well, I guess I got lost again. Hopefully I'll be able to find myself and start believing people when they tell me how awesome I am. And hopefully the others realize it while I'm still around and care.
P.S. Sometimes you need to look back to realize how badly you want nothing to do with the past anymore and how much you enjoy the present as hard as it may be. Yeah, I want it all, I want it now and I'm not the girl that gets it all but on good days it's enough to at least get to pretend I do. Thanks!

17 февруари, 2016

half past five

Никога
не оставя
часовника си
на вратата,
нито забравя
да го поглежда,
и си тръгва сам
винаги
когато помисля,
че може би
ще поиска 
да остане
или да ме вземе
със себе си.